


no.

by once_upon_a_lovestory



Category: One Direction, One Direction (Band), The Selection Series - Kiera Cass
Genre: AU, Abuse, Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe, Angst, Based on a Tumblr Post, Child Abuse, Cute, Depressed Louis, Everyone Is Gay, F/M, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Harry, I hate tagging, I think they kinda share that really, M/M, Marriage, Sad, Sad Louis, Suicidal Louis, Suicidal Thoughts, broken home, depressed, idk just read it, inspired by selection trilogy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-06-09 07:13:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6895069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/once_upon_a_lovestory/pseuds/once_upon_a_lovestory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is a depressed rich kid who doesnt have any friends. His father comes up with the idea to invite some boys to stay over for a while, so Louis can find "the love of his life" and maybe make some friends. Of course Louis doesn't want that. But his father always gets what he wants.</p><p>So there he is surrounded by boys he doesn't know. There is Niall who writes him songs and makes Louis laugh. There is Zayn who makes these beautiful paintings of him and is a lovely mystery. There is Liam who has a big heart and takes care of Louis. There are Nick, Thomas Brian and Ashton and of course there is Harry who looks at him like Louis is the sun and makes stupid silly jokes, Harry who is clumsy and poor but also the most lovely boy in the world.</p><p>or an AU based on the selection trilogy with a depressed Louis with abusive parents and the rest of the boys.</p><p>Inpired by: a Tumblr post and the selection trilogy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Click here for my [tumblr,](myyouthislarrystylinson.tumblr.com) where you can ask me questions and you can find the character list.

Louis wakes up, unfortunately. He groans, and turns his alarm off. Louis hates waking up. Especially on days when he wakes up with the sun shining on his face, like life is fun and happy and great, but he knows it’s not. Not at all. So he gets out of bed, puts on his black skinnies, a white nirvana shirt and a black hoodie and completes hi look with his black converse and takes a quick shower but doesn’t bother to do his hair, nor to brush his teeth, it’s not like anyone is going to look at him today anyway, let alone kiss him.

He feels tired. So fucking tired. Like always. He hates his life, and he really hates his father, who ruins his life constantly and hates Louis too. Because Louis is gay, and Louis didn’t get straight A’s at school, and Louis doesn’t work hard enough, and so the list goes on. But Louis has learned to deal with it, like any person would.

Louis walks downstairs towards the dining room. They have a huge mansion. He literally got lost once in his own house, turned out he ended up in the basement where all their maids and workers sleep. When he arrives he finds his father and mother already eating breakfast, quietly. He joins them without saying a word. His father owns a huge supermarket company, and he wants Louis to follow him in his footsteps and take over the company when he gets older, so that’s what he’s doing with his life, its all planned out, by his father. He finished high school last year and now works for his dad, learning to do what his father does now. He absolutely hates it. And his father doesn’t give two shits about that. He wants Louis to be just like him. Its killing Louis.

His mother doesn’t work for the company, though. She is a fashion designer.  She only married his father for the money, and fame. Father was completely oblivious to that, still is. It’s the absolute worst. She may not love his father truly, but at least she loves her son. His mother really cares for him, but she is the only one. He has no friends because he was home schooled all his life. He doesn’t get along with his maid, Maria, or any of the workers in their house, and he spends most of his time alone, in his room, with the door locked, ~~sometimeswatchingpornbutthatdoesn’tmatterreally~~. But when he needs his mother she is always there. And he loves her for that.

When his father notices him, he mumbles a good morning. Louis doesn’t respond. His mother speaks a full sentence though.

“Did you sleep well, sweetheart?”

Louis shrugs. “Yeah, was fine.”

She smiles and continues her breakfast. After a few minutes of eating delicious waffles their cook made, his father says something.

“Your mother and I have been thinking,”

_Oh dear god, here it comes._

“you’ve been looking a bit sad the past few months.”

He raises an eyebrow. _No shit, you literally force me to take over a company that I don’t even want to take over and I literally have zero friends, nobody accepts me for who I am and on top of that you work like 24/7 so yeah you could say I’m a bit sad._

“So we thought, lets find you someone special.”

_What_

We thought maybe it would be a good idea if we invited some guys over, so you can maybe fall in love and be a bit happier. You wouldn’t have to work for a few weeks so you can plan this out with Maria and invite them over, they can stay over for how long you want them to, and send them away one by one, until one guy remains who you can be friends or even more with.’’ His father says in his incredibly annoying business voice.

The last part came out with a disgust because his father still isn’t comfortable with Louis’ sexuality. But what the actual fuck? _Find someone special?_ Louis stares at him with wide eyes and then looks at his mother who is smiling like an idiot.

Louis stumbles on his words but gets out a “I beg your pardon? Until one guy remains? What are you talking about father?”

“Well, your mother and I want you to find a partner, and we thought this was a very efficient way to do that.” His father replies with

“No. I think it’s an awful idea. I’m sorry father but I don’t want that.” But he knows its too late, he can’t do anything about it. If his father wants something, het gets it. One way or another.

His father raises his voice a little and Louis cringes, he remembers what happened last time his father got mad at him and doesn’t want that to happen again. “At least ask your mother what she finds of it.” fuck him, he knows Louis has a soft spot for his mother.

“Mom? Do you think that’s a good idea?” it comes out a bit too sarcastic than he meant to, and he immediately regrets it.

“Well honey, it’s a great opportunity to make some new friends, and maybe even find a partner. You could go on dates with them and they would have to fight to win your heart.” _O dear god “_ And your father is willing to give you some time off. I think we should just try it.” his mother says in some narrarator voice.

Louis sighs. “But isn’t it, like, a bit weird to have like, how many guys, all at once, and like go on dates with all of them?” he asks timidly. He already knows that he’ll probably have to agree anyway.

“Son, it’s a great idea, believe me. There’s nothing to lose, and a lot to win.” His father laughs, but Louis doesn’t even smile at him. He doesn’t want it. He doesn’t want all that kind of pressure and attention towards him, he’ll probably freak out, or he’ll embarrass himself, so many things could go wrong. He hates people looking at him, and if there are boys who want to like seduce him or something he will get so anxious. He bites his lip.

“What if- what if I don’t want to, like date beca-“ Louis tries, but his father cuts him off.

“Of course you’d like to date! What is that for kind of a question? When I was your age I dated all kinds of girls, best time of me life, it was!” God, he hated it when his father interrupted him and thought that Louis is exactly like him, because he isn’t.

“Fine I’ll just- I’ll go plan everything out with Maria after breakfast.” He sighs, and holds back his tears. Why was his father like this? Well at least he didn’t force him to date girls. He is probably the prolem, not his father. He was such a pussy, he almost has to fucking cry! What kind of man does that?

“That’s my boy!” his father yells and Louis just stands up and walks away. If he’d stay another second he would’ve burst out with anger. And his father would not be pleased about that and Louis neither, his last bruise just faded away.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! so here is chapter 2! I hope you enjoy. Warning! there is a coming out part and it is not a very happy coming out, so if anything triggers you just scroll to the part where the letters are like straight (haha). If you have any questions my tumblr is: myyouthislarrystylinson.tumblr.com
> 
> I am going to try to post weekly. the next update will probably be next tuesday or this weekend! Thank you so much for reading. Also, I'm probably going to make some grammatical errors, I know. I'm not english and im very sorry if it isn't really plaesent to read, but I do really try my best :)
> 
> Thank you so much for readinggg xxx

_1 year ago_

_This was it. Louis was going to do it. He will go downstairs, and will get straight to the point, he is going to be straight forward. He is not going to give two fucks about what they’re going to say, because this is Louis’ life. Well, maybe he is going to give some fucks because let’s be honest, he isn’t that cool._

_Louis has thought a lot about his sexuality lately. He never really talked to other teenagers about stuff like that, mainly because he knew his two friends were completely straight and were sort of homophobics.Sso he had to figure it out all on his own, and it really wasn’t easy. He did notice that he was more sexually attracted to boys then towards girls. Well he wasn’t even sexually attracted to girls, not even romantically. And like with porn, he always looked at the guy. And when he searched for gay porn he realised he was actually gay._

_He denied it for a very long time, saying to himself that it was normal to look at boys that way, because you want to look like them, right? Its not like when you look at a boy and think ‘Wow, he looks great’ that it immediately means that you’re gay right? But when you really want to kiss them, it does. And Louis hadn’t realised that for a long time, telling himself it was normal to look at guys that way. And nobody told him that it was wrong because his only two friends always talked about his father and his money._

_It had now been five months since he accepted he was gay, and it had been a whole year since he started doubting his sexuality. But now, he’s 17 years old and he has figured it out. He was proud of himself, and he hopes his parents are too._

_He walks into the living room, where his mother is drinking a cup of tea and reading a vogue magazine, her photo is on the cover. Not like she had worked really hard for her fame, she just married his father. But back to the point._

_“Hey mom” Louis said way too nervous. Ugh, he really needs to learn how to keep his voice intact._

_His mother of course noticed and frowned. “What’s wrong love?”_

_“Nothing. Well I – can you- erm- I want to talk. Where’s dad?” he stumbled._

_“yeah, okay. Sure, he’s in his office, I’ll go- ehm- get him.”_

_“yeah thanks” Louis sits down on the sofa. His rubs his sweaty hands against  his jeans. He was wearing his favourite jeans, bright red ones and a white with blue striped shirt. And of course his suspenders, he really liked his outfit. Maria picked it for him, she knew Louis liked the suspenders. He and Maria don’t talk much but she sort of understands him? Like, she knows what Louis needs and wants but she doesn’t seem to like Louis really._

_He is deep in his thoughts when his father walks into the room. He looks really angry, like Louis has interrupted something very important, which he probably has. But Louis just stands up and tries to form a sentence. “Hi! Dad. Hi- I- ehm. Hi- o God is said hi three times already, ha sorry!”_

_God this is awkward._

_“I just wanted to talk to you about something”  Louis continues, he looks at his father and then turns around to look at his mother, who tries to comfort Louis by smiling at him, and it sort of works._

_“Well son, make it quick, I’ve got a lot to do and its already half past eight.” His father says harshly._

_Louis sighs, okay this is it. He tries to look his father in his eyes, but he can’t. He just looks down at his lap, where his hands are fidgeting with the hem of his trousers. “okay. I have been thinking. A lot, like a mega lot, and I want to tell you something, it’s a really big part of me and I want you to know, cause you deserve to know. You deserve to know that I’m- erm" he inhales, looks to the ground and smiles to himself "I’m-“_

_“No. No don’t say that. Don’t you dare to say that you’re- that you’re gay.” His father interrupts him, it sounds calm but also full of hate and disgust. He had raised his voice, a_ _nd Louis is scared. He doesn’t know what to say. But he is gay, that was exactly what he was going to say, and now his father says that he can’t say that. And shit, his father is probably homophobic or something, he is not going to accept Louis, shit. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. He looks up to his dad, who has stood up and looks like he could just break his neck in two seconds. He has never seen his father this way._

_“But I- I am-“ Louis stumbles, his hands shaking and he is looking up to his father with wide eyes and mouth half open, his father only inches away from him. But he really was gay, and he has to say that, because he promised to himself that he was going to tell his parents tonight. He has to. “-gay.”_

_And then everything goes a little blurry, he feels a hand hit his jaw, and his mother screaming. He hears his father yelling things like “No, you're not, you’re a disgrace. Disgusting. Fucking faggot!” he tastes blood in his mouth. His father hit him. And it hurt it really did._

_Then he just remembers his father walking out of the room, and his mother rushing after him. And Louis lies there, on the ground for a while, curled up in a ball, but he pulls himself together and stands up. He runs to his room, gets some looks from the maids but he just ignores them. He slams the door shut and lets himself fall on his bed. And he cries. He cries a fucking lot._

-

It has been a year and his father still hasn’t fully accepted him, but his mother did some of her magic, and now his father doesn’t hate him completely.  He also started getting the dark thoughts and depressing moods around that time, and now they have taken him over completely.

Louis just sits at his desk. Thinking. And then he hears a knock. He sighs

“come in.”

He hears someone approaching him, but doesn’t bother looking up who is approaching him. He hopes its his mom, and that she will tell him it’s going to be alright and that he doesn’t have to do this and that she loves him, but his mother also hadn’t done that since when he came out. She had still loved him and sung him songs when he just couldn’t take his father anymore, but he understood why she probably didn’t love him the way she did anymore. He was a fucking faggot, nobody likes gay people, even the staff talked less to him since that day. The day he fucked everything up.

But it isn’t his mom. Of fucking course not. It was fucking Maria, with her fucking cute face and black hair and tiny feet and urgh. He sighs.

“What is it?” he says, he really did learn to keep his voice intact so he doesn’t sound upset or just sad.

“Mr. Tomlins- I mean, your father send me to show you the files of the boys he and mrs. Toml- your mother picked out. So you can take a look. He wants you to be prepared for when you and him meet up to make the final selection of boys who are going to- erm- stay over.” She says. And hands him the files, its quite a lot of files like about fifty-something?

“Thank you Maria” he mumbles. She walks out of Louis’ room and mumbles a ‘you’re welcome sir’.

This was going to be awful.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! here is chapter 3. enjoy!

Louis tries to concentrate on the folders on his desk. He really does. But his mind just keeps thinking about his life since that day, the day he fucked everything up. His father only accepted him because his colleges approved of it, they would get attention and gay was hot right now. He didn’t get it nut whatever. He thought of when he would try to look nice every day. When he was doing good in school. When his father loved him, sort of. The thoughts are killing him, so he grabs his notebook in which he wrote down all his thoughts and ideas, and he writes down a list:

Things I fucked up when I came out:

  * I lost my two friends
  * Maria barely talks to me anymore
  * My mother dislikes me
  * My father hates me even more
  * I hate myself
  * Everybody hates me.



Ugh. He closes his book fiercely and throws it away. He puts his elbows on his desk, frantically lays his head in his hands and closes his eyes. He feels like crying. Nobody likes him. He tries to breath, in and out. Through his nose but it doesn’t work. Everybody hates him. In and out. Louis bites his lip, hard and shakes his head no. In and out. he tastes something iron in his mouth. Stop it. Stop overreacting Louis. Stop stop stop. in and out. His hands turn into fists. And bumps his head in them. In and out. In and out. Hands start shaking. In and out.

Okay relax. He sighs. I’m just overreacting. Everybody hates me. He thinks. But its okay, he hates himself too. God, he wants to just run away, or sleep forever, or just die. I just wish I was dead. Yeah that’s it. He thinks. Everything makes him wish he was dead, he wishes he was dead.

Dead. The word is stuck in his head. He wants to be dead. Deaddeaddeaddead. In and out. He tries to calm himself. I’m just overreacting. Overreacting. Don’t be stupid nobody likes him anyway. In and out.

When he finally opens his eyes he snaps back to reality. Okay calm. He breathes out through his mouth. Yeah okay. Calm. In and out. Okay he could do this. He was going to not ruin something in his life. He would make his parents proud. So they wouldn’t hate him. Well, they would but like not as bad. He looks down on the folders.

There was a note on top of the pile.

_Hi Louis_

_You were gone before we could explain it to you, you really need to stop walking away when you’re confronted with something. You father really doesn’t like that, and if you want to replace your father when you’re older you really need to stop that. But that’s something we need to discuss in person. But anyways, there are 20 folders here,  there is one for every boy your father choose. He wants you to pick 10 of them and then discuss it Tuesday night with him._

_I love you._

_Mom_

Love. She doesn’t know what she’s saying probably. Or maybe she loved him? No don’t be so fucking stupid. Urgh he really hates himself.

Okay back to the point. He just needed to pick out 10 boys before tomorrow evening. He could do that. He was going to look at them today and make the decision tomorrow. So he spreads out the folders on his desk. They all had a picture of the boy on the front. A picture of a dark haired boy with the most beautiful eyelashes and a beautiful smile grabs his attention. He opens it, his name is Zayn Malik. He is an artist. He recognises his last name, as the family who owns The Malik lottery, his father knew Zayn’s father and apparently Zayn was gay too. They’re very rich, of course. Its not like his father would ever choose someone who wasn’t rich. He immediately wants to know if that’s true, so he opens all of the the folders and looks for someone whose name he never saw before.

There was Horan computers, Grimshaw technology, Hayes sausages (yeah, they sold sausages on football games, he really doesn’t know how you can become rich from that.) but then there were two names he didn’t recognise: Styles and Templeton. The Templeton boy looks terrible. He is an unemployed carpenter. Why on earth would his father choose him. Well maybe it was his mom, cause he looked kind of cute and innocent, but was far from attractive.

But the Styles one, he was good looking, well not as good looking as that Zayn guy. Just in a different way, like he was pretty. He didn’t grabbed Louis’ attention right away, but when he looked at him, he was so so pretty. Green eyes, messy brown hair and those pink plump lips. And his smile absolutely was adorable. He was absolutely adorable. God he couldn't stop looking at him. He had such pretty eyes. 

But why did such pretty boys sign up for this, he means they did right? How did his father even manage this. Did he just collect folders of rich gay guys, or did he hung up posters with some ridiculous text about how they could find the love of their life if they just signed somewhere? He was going to ask tomorrow.

He rang his bell, so Maria would come. He really hated that bell. But yeah whatever he needed some tea.

It took her one minute and 34 seconds to come to Louis’ room and knock his door. “come in” he called.

“You rang sir?” she asked o so politely. She knew Louis was gay so she probably hated him too. Yeah. He ignores his thoughts and speaks

“Yes Maria, could you please bring me some tea and a cookie?”

“Yes, of course sir.” She turns around but Louis changes his mind.

“Oh no wait, could you please bring me an apple instead of a cookie?’’ Louis wanted to lose some weight. He sometimes was discussed with his body so he wants to diet a little bit.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll be right back.”

“Thank you.”

It usually took her about five minutes to make his tea and grab an apple and make it back to his room. So he takes another look at the folders. There was also a cute one whose name was Niall Horan, son of Bobby Horan, president of Horan Technology, who invented some kind of ridiculous chip. He couldn’t care less to be honest. He wondered what Harry Styles did. As a job you know. He really wanted to know, but he has to move on, there are other boys he needs to look at.

There also was a boy named Brian Foster who was very very hot. And muscled and muscular. That wasn’t even English but whatever. He also looked like Louis’ friend in 9th grade, well he wasn’t like at a high school but he looked like Danny his friend when he was 14 years old. He was interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Sir?” he hears Maria’s voice through the door. “I’ve got your tea and an apple as you ordered.”

“Yes thank you very much Mar” oh shit wait no he couldn’t call her Mar anymore ah shit panic “-ia” he stutters and blushes. Maria places his tea and the apple on his desk and Louis just looks at the ground. He was so fucking stupid.

“Bye sir” he hears Maria say and then he hears his door shut.

God, that was embarrassing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. I tried? But guys pleeeasse leave me some feedback! I need feedback. im like insecure and I want my fic to be as good as possible so if you hated or loved something please let me know. thaankkss xxxx. my tumblr is myyouthislarrystylinson.tumbr.com if you have any questions, or you can just ask in the comments idk. thank you so much for reading! next update will be next wednesday, and maybe if ur luck (I dont think you will be but whatever) I might upload in the weekend. thank you so much for reading xx


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI GUYS!
> 
> I am in the middle of a test week, and have three test every day! Yay! I love school haha. 
> 
> So that’s why it's been some weeks, and some other stuff. Lets just say that uploading my fic wasn’t first priority. This is a long chapter: about 2250 words. Usually the chapters are about 1200 words so yeah it's a step closer to making a really good fic. 
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: graphic child abuse! And a lot of negative thoughts.
> 
> As always my tumblr is myyouthislarrystylinson.tumblr.com, where you can also find the character list.

_7 months ago_

_“But please, I think it would make me happy.”_

_“aren’t you happy now, boy? You’ve got everything you need, you have all the expensive stuff, you have both of your parents, and we’re still together. We accept you. You have Maria and a great education, and a guaranteed job when you finish your education. Why on earth would want to go to a psychologist? ”_

_“Mum, I- I do have all those things, but I just- I don’t know mum. It doesn’t feel right.”_

_“What doesn’t feel right?” Louis’ father says from the hallway. His voice sounds cranky and irritated, probably something with work, it always is. Reason number 2436 he doesn’t want to take his fathers company when he finishes school._

_His father walks into the living room, and he looks angry. Really angry. Louis scans his face, he has big bags under his eyes, he looks a little bit pale, lips thin, and brow furrowed into an angry frown. He has his hands on his hips, fingernails bitten of and ink stains on his hands._

_Louis swallows and mumbles “nothing, it’s okay, I’ll just- I’ll go now.”_

_“no honey, stay here lets talk about it” nononononono Louis knows what was going to happen if he talked about his feelings, and his father was not in a good mood, so it would probably be twice as hard as it normally does._

_“talk about what?” his father says._

_“well, Louis wants to go see a psychologist.” His mother answered._

_“mom, I-“ Louis tries to say, but he gets interrupted by his father._

_“Louis, you are perfectly healthy, you are not going to see a fucking psychologist! What are you thinking? You’re perfectly normal. Don’t act like you are depressed or something!” His father is walking his way now, and he is so close Louis can see his neck veins popping up, and his fists clenching._

_“Please don’t-“ Louis squeaks, but it’s too late, his father lifts his fist, and hits him, hard. Not the middle school punch, neither the high school punch but the real hard punch in your stomach, the almost throwing up punch._

_He feels his eyes tearing up as he collapses and falls on the ground and rolls up in a ball, his hands on his stomach. It had been a while since he was hit there. He almost had forgotten how much it hurted, but he remembered now, yes it hurt. He closes his eyes while his fathers’ food collided with his face. The pain burns, he had hit his jaw. He tastes something iron in his mouth, and gets dizzy. “please father, please stop I-“_

_His father spits in his face. He feels the salvia hitting his face but doesn’t bother to wipe it away. He just cringes further into a ball and wraps his arms around his legs. Head between his knees._

_His father yells “You’re not normal, you deserve this, you fucking disgrace! Act normal for god’s sake! What am I supposed to do? When you’re queer and then you want to go to a psychologist! You are a mess. How could you do that to us? We work so hard to make you happy”_

_“Please, I-“  Louis tries, but his father just walks away._

_Louis stays there for a few minutes. He was a disgrace. He shouldn’t even have asked for anything. It’s his own fault that his father hits him, he deserves it. Being beaten up is like a wake-up call, like get your fucking shit together, this is what you get for being so stupid. But he can take it. He can have it. It’s okay, it’s his own fault. He knows it’s not okay to hit your son, but Louis deserved it. He deserved to be beaten up, because he was a disgrace. A gay stupid depressed useless disgrace._

_When Louis finally looks up he sees that there’s nobody left. He closes his eyes again and  tries standing up by putting his hands next to him and stretching his arms, but he gets way too dizzy and sees black spots everywhere. He inhales some air and sits up slowly. He opens his eyes again. He sees a blood stain on the light blue carpet. It wasn’t a very big stain, a normal one he would say. He feels his under lip, it's  swollen and there is some blood dripping down his chin, there is a drop of blood about to fall but Louis quickly holds his hand under his chin and catches the drop, but that also causes himself to get dizzy again. Bad idea._

_Louis forces himself to stand up and walk towards his rooms, the stairs are a hell for him because he lost some blood and his stomach is killing him. Every time he lifts his leg his stomach cringes. When he finally reached his room he is a few weird looks from the maids, a lot of pain and some bloody hands richer. He goes to his private bathroom and locks the door. he spits in the sink, he spits out a lot of blood and grabs some toilet paper to dab his chin with and washes his hands. When he goes to his full length mirror and lifts his bloody shirt up, he looks at the bruise forming just about two  inches above his belly button, he touches it but immediately regrets it._

_When he looks at his face he notices his greasy hair, but most importantly, his forming bruise on the right side of his jaw. How on earth was he going to cover that up? He does not want his father to see him like this, he looked so.. so ugly and weak. He looked weak. He doesn’t want his father and mother to think he is weak too. He’ll wait for tomorrow, maybe he will just lock himself in his room, he’ll see._

_When he takes of his shirt, he also notices some other bruises, from other occasions. The almost-healed bruise on his left shoulder blade, from when his father came home drunk and probably fucked another woman, who was not his mother. He saw the no so old bruise on his hip, from when Louis got a D on his economics test. And some others, but he didn’t want to think about them. He inspects the rest of his body in the mirror, he was so little, and he his stomach stood out, he was kind of fat. Even his ass was fat. He sighed and washes his nirvana shirt with some water before he throws it in the laundry basket, he didn’t want to get blood stains in the rest of his laundry._

_Then he just goes to bed. It was 9 pm, but he was tired. And didn’t want to overthink this whole situation. Maybe his mom will walk into his room and sing him to sleep, and cuddle with him like she used to when Louis hadn’t fucked everything up yet, but he knows she won’t. She doesn’t want to cuddle with her gay useless faggot son._

_He fell asleep hours later not able to stop thinking._

_-_

It was Tuesday, the day he was going to meet with his dad and discuss the boys. Louis had looked at all the boys and made a list of the boys he liked best:

  * Zayn Malik
  * Harry Styles
  * Peter Johnson
  * Brian Foster
  * Niall Horan
  * Ashton Hayes
  * Liam Payne
  * Thomas Peterson
  * Mark Jonas
  * Jesse Templeton (for his mother)



He picked out ten boys. It wasn’t easy though, it’s so hard to pick out boys without even meeting them, like being blind and picking out the good apples out of a basket filled with apples? Whatever.

He had the pile divided into two smaller piles, the pile with boys he was going to discuss with his dad and a pile of folders of boys he didn’t like at all.

There was a knock on his door, who on earth could that be?

“Come in” His voice sounds raspy, he hadn’t talked today yet. His mother had left early for work and he didn’t like talking to his father. And he hadn’t asked for Maria once this day.

Maria walked in.  “Hello sir, your mother asked me to look out for you today, so I wanted to check if everything was okay, and if selecting the boys went well.”

 _Selecting._ Funny choice of words he thinks. “It went quite alright, I chose ten boys I thought were okay, thanks for asking.” He smiles politely.

Maria returns his smile. “Can I take a look?” she asks.

He tenses. “uhm yeah sure” Shit, maybe she is going to think that Im a jerk that I only selected the pretty ones, or she thinks that I have no taste whatsoever in boys. Breathe. In and out.

Maria just grabs the first folder on the pile of the boys he was going to invite and opens it. Louis just fidgets with the hem of his button up. “He looks great” Maria says.

Louis looks up, a little bit red and just shrugs. “I don’t- I just thought that he, erm, he looked alright- yeah? I’m sorry you just said that, but I thought- I just thought the same thing yeah.” God he was a fucking idiot. He can’t even talk properly.

“yeah” she just replies. She moves on to the next one and looks at all of them. “you have really good taste Louis” she laughs. Louis smiles back.

“thank you” he replies a little bit more relaxed. She walks out of the room. Leaving a flushed Louis behind.

-

Louis knocks on the door.

“Come in” he hears his father say, a little bit grumpy, but he was always grumpy anyways.

Louis opened the door and walked into the office. His father is sitting at his desk, typing furiously on his MacBook. He is wearing a dark blue suit, with brown shoes and a black watch. His father had a terrible sense of fashion. Not that Louis dressed very fancy today, he was wearing a button down with some black skinnies,  but he knew what he was doing, how colours complement each other, how you should never wear black and dark blue, how yellow details on a black shirt goes beautifully with- oh no wait, he was being so gay. He needed to stop thinking like that.

He blinked a few times and said “Hi, father. I’m uh- I’m here for the selection of the boys.”

His father didn’t look up just nodded towards the seat in front of him, still typing on his laptop. Louis sat down. A desk was separating them. If his father would get really angry if Louis was being too complicated, he couldn’t hit him right away. Maybe Louis even had enough time to calm him down. He had managed that one time, he agreed with his father that he was being dumb or something, and his father calmed down at that moment. That was really nice.

Louis waits for some more minutes, spreading out the folders on the desk neatly and sipping some water. Water is healthy. He should probably drink more water. Maybe he would look nice then.

When his father finally speaks up Louis looks up. “So, Louis, which boys have you chosen to invite to my mansion?”

Louis swallows “Well, I have them right here. I- I erm- I thought I could pick about ten of them? Because that seemed like a fair amount of guys, right? So I have their folders here.” Louis pointed at the folders laying in front of them. His father picked them all up and piled them. He divided them into two smaller piles.

“Where is Nick Grimshaw? He is the son of our most important partner, we have to invite him too!”

“oh yeah, I- He didn’t really grabbed my attention, so I didn’t pick him. But are they alright? The rest of them?”

His father sighed “Louis, you have to learn that you have to let people finish their sentence before you interrupt them, it's  really annoying.”

Louis squeaked a sorry and makes himself a little smaller. His father continued.

“ But I don’t want Peter Johnson, Mark Jonas, Thomas Peterson and Jesse Templeton here.”

“But they- Oh I’m sorry, I interrupt you”

“ Yes Louis, you did, you-“ his father inhaled through his nose and flattened his hands on his desk. “so, we’re done here, you send the invitations to those seven boys, including Grimshaw. And they will be here next Monday. So you have six days to plan everything out with miss Maria. Good luck.” And he just continued typing on his laptop. And Louis just sat there, watching his father.

What does he mean? Do I need to leave? Am I not getting more information? I don’t know what to do?

His father raised his eyebrows “don’t you have something to do? Please leave, before I get angry.”

Louis jumped back to the situation and mumbled “yeah I’m sorry. I’ll go.” He grabbed the files and almost tripped on his way outside.

He bumped into a surprised Maria, and one of her maid friends. “I’m sorry” he said and walked past them, to his room.

He threw the folders onto his desk and went straight to his bed. He fell asleep not long after his head hit the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys!
> 
> Please leave some kudos if you liked it, and please leave a comment with critic or if you loved it or something idk I just really like comments. Also feel free to ask me something on my tumblr: Myyouthislarrystylinson.tumblr.com. 
> 
> Thank you guys sosososo much for reading xx


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI GUYS!
> 
> It's been so long. Oops. Again. Im sorry. Hope you enjoy :)
> 
> Warnings : child abuse and depressing thoughts and stuff idk it's kinda mild so don’t worry xoxo
> 
> As always my tumblr is myyouthislarrystylinson.tumblr.com, where you can also find the character list, which is also here.

“But sir, which layout do you like best?”

Louis shrugs.  “Erm.. I don’t know. The blue one I guess.”

It was the day after the conversation with his father, and Louis hadn’t taken it very well. He felt sick to his stomach, and had an enormous headache. He told everybody it was the stress, and it was. But it was the pressure, the waking up at three in the morning and throwing up in your toilet, the feeling that his father was mad at him, the confusion why his father hadn’t punched Louis yesterday and of course the fear that he would screw everything up, too. But yeah, besides all of that he was doing fine.

Maria was sitting beside him, and there were some other maids at his desk. They were choosing the layout for the invitations, which are going out today. It was futile, it didn’t fucking matter, and it was kind of pissing Louis of. They were making a fucking colour scheme for the flowers which would be in the guest rooms!!!

“Okay sir. Which shape would you like the invitations to be?”

_O dear god, was she being serious?_

_“_ Just the regular shape, please.” See, he was being polite. He could do this. He took a sip from his water, as Maria sighed and answered.

“That’s an a5 format”

Louis nodded, attempted to smile, and took another sip from his water.

“ Then we’re done for the invitations, your father has written the content and he has also selected the letter types, so those will be send today.” Louis nods. “That means we’re done for today, sir. Diner will be ready at six, and your mother won’t be there, because she has a meeting for her upcoming trip to Paris.”

Louis almost spits out his water, well he practically spits out his water.  Louis stares at Maria wide-eyed and mouth half open. But Maria just mumbles an _oh watch out Louis_ and stands up to get a dishcloth. But Louis doesn’t understand. “Wait, is mom- sorry, is my mother going to Paris _again?_ ”

“Yes sir. Gucci invited her to come to their runway show, and while she’s there she is going to do some interviews and stuff like that.” Maria says while cleaning up the mess Louis has made by spitting out his water. Which wasn’t very elegant, and had left a mess.

“Oh, okay. Thanks I guess.”

They don’t say much as the other maids pile up the folders, leave and call their goodbyes and Maria finishes up cleaning. But Louis has questions now, it will probably be just like all the other times, but you can never be sure, so he asks anyways. “With who is she going then?”

“I’m not sure, I think her assistant, an advisor, a male model and a woman model and someone else, but I forgot his name.”

“Oh.” There is some awkward silence. “How long is she going?”

“Two months, sir.”

…

And Louis just. He just can’t. Normally his mother would be gone for a week, sometimes two, and then he also couldn’t stand it. He was very fond of her, and now he will have some really busy weeks (months? He doesn’t fucking know how long they’ll stay) and she will be off to Paris. To fucking Paris. He realises his mouth is wide open, and closes it quickly.

“okay. Erm thanks Maria” he squeaks.

“Anytime, sir”

And she is gone, Louis just stands in his office (well it was technically the office of the first guestroom, but Louis used this when he was planning things) all alone. And Louis breaks. He just breaks.  All the stress from the past few days, the confusion, the sleepless nights, the cluelessness and his mother fucking off to Paris.

Everything goes black.

And then he hears a scream. He opens his eyes and sees Maria in the door opening, staring at him with her mouth wide open. He looks down at his hands, they are fists and there is blood on his knuckles, what the fuck has he done this time. He quickly takes a step back and opens his hands but that fucking hurts.

Then he looks up behind him and sees the hole in the wall, he looks back at his hands, and then at the wall, hands, blood, wall.

“oh my god” he whispers. He looks at Maria, who is still staring at him. “oh my god I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I did- what just happened, oh my god I’m so sorry-“ and he kind of starts crying.

Maria just watches him cry, and his father walks into the room. Louis looks up and quickly wipes off his tears, but as his hand hits his face he immediately cringes. His hand fucking hurts.

“What the fuck did you do Louis? Jesus fucking Christ, you’re hands are bleeding. Did you make Maria scream? Dear god, get over here Louis, Maria please leave.” His father says, but when Louis doesn’t move, his father walks towards him, and then he notices the hole in the wall. “Jesus..”

“I’m so sorry” Louis hiccups and tries to explain that he had some sort of anger attack, but his father is raging with anger and it's  too late. He knows he fucked up when he gets pushed and crashes  into the wall behind him.

“You fucking disappointment. Do you know how much that will cost to fix? How am I going to explain this?” He gets bitch-slapped in the face. He cringes and slides down the wall, onto the ground while his father kicks his side. He covers his face with his hands and pulls his knees up, so that he is a ball, and he falls sideways on the ground. But his father is really angry ( _o my god! What will everyone think? You’re a disgrace)_ and keeps kicking his back and head.

And when Louis thinks he is finally done, his father grabs a fist with his collar and pulls him up, and keeps kicking his back and head.

And when Louis thinks he is finally done, his father grabs a fist with his collar and pulls him up, their noses almost touching, and his father whispers “You don’t fucking deserve to be loved.” And throws Louis back onto the ground, spits in his face and walks out the door.

Louis takes 13 seconds to catch his breath, closes the door, locks it and sits against it. He wipes of his tears and his father’s spit with the back of his hand. He pulls his knees up and rests his head between his thighs. He wants to cry, he wants to scream for help, he wants to find the tallest building and throw himself off it, but he doesn’t. He just feels pain. All over his body. But it's  his own fault, it's  his own fault for being so stupid, stupid enough for punching a fucking whole in the wall. His own fault for being so damn pathetic that his parents organised some fucking date show or something for him, because he is a fuck-up.

It's  all his fault, it's  probably also his fault that his parents don’t love each other anymore, because they did but when Louis started becoming someone his dad didn’t want him to be, the fights started and he’s pretty sure they’re both cheating, too. He fucked everything up. He looks up and stares at the hole in the wall. He fucked up, again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys!
> 
> Please leave some kudos if you liked it, and please leave a comment with critic or if you loved it or something idk I just really like comments. Also feel free to ask me something on my tumblr: Myyouthislarrystylinson.tumblr.com. 
> 
> Thank you guys sosososo much for reading xx

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave some comments and kudos, it would mean the world to me! 
> 
> My tumblr is Myyouthislarrystylinson.tumblr.com if you have any questions. 
> 
> Also, I'm sorry for any grammatical errors or wrong use of some words but I dont live in America or England so my english isn't as splendid as yours probably.


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